So it’s 2 in the morning, we’ve just gone into the 6th day of 2011, and once again I can’t sleep! This heat is killing me. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I NEVER complain about heat and normally walk around with a jersey on the beach. Don’t know, maybe I am heading for a (very) early menopause, but this summer is completely unbearable for me.
I took up the “challenge”, if you will, to post every day this year, and one of my “resolutions” was to post more often. It would seem that I have already failed. I’ve missed out on 1 January, as I only saw the “challenge” on the 2nd (did two posts on the 2nd, if that counts for anything) and then one on the 3rd. Sitting here now, I’ve just realised that I’ve already missed out on postings for the 4th and the 5th! Sorry guys, I don’t know where the last 2 days went, but I’ll try to keep it real from now until the 31st of December!
Getting back to New Year’s Resolutions – it would be really interesting to know exactly how many people actually stick to it.
Working with Sparrow, we had to read Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino. It is said that in order for an action to become a habit, you would need to perform the same action for 30 consecutive days. So, if we can just stick to our resolutions for the month of January, it would automatically become a habit. It would appear, however, that not a lot of people have the willpower (or is it correct mindset), to make this happen, and most of these resolutions are neatly packed away with the Christmas decorations.
The past two days have been mentally and emotionally challenging for me. It would seem that the little monkey in my head is back, pushing things around, peeking into dark corners and dusting of old and (not so) forgotten notions and questions. I feel a little bit like a caged animal at this stage, like I should be out there, doing something, instead of just going to work and spending time with my family. What frustrates me most though, is the fact that I know what it is that I want to do. I know what I think I am supposed to be doing. Unfortunately though, these actions require finances and this is where I hit a solid concrete wall every time. It frustrates me to have plans and ideas and not being able to do anything about it. It frustrates me that no-one share my passions and ideas.
I watched a movie last night, can’t remember what it was called, but it had such an impact on my. It ended with a quote (A J Muste, I think): There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.
Maybe it is time that I just accept that I have all of these plans and ideas, but that I am not meant to bring them to fruit. Maybe when I stop trying to find the way to “peace” (fulfilling my ideals), peace will come to me…
I know this may sound very random to you, but that is where my mind is at at the moment. Jumping from one thought to the next – causing more frustration as it carries on. UUUUUUUURGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, ladies and gentleman, I will leave you on that note for now. Hopefully when I post tomorrow (later today), I will have found some answers and be in a place to post something more uplifting!
Love you lots, thanks for popping in!