It’s funny how the mind works, how we can in an instant recognize when we are true to ourselves.  I read today’s prompt and before I even had time to think about it, I already knew the answer.

Early May 2002 – I was 25 and heavily pregnant when I had a bit of total breakdown.  I was sobbing to my mother “I can’t do this!  I can’t be someone’s mother!  How will I know what he wants, what he needs.  I can’t do this!  I am going to mess it up and Social Services will take him away”  Very calmly, my mother laughed at me and told me to relax, it would all work out.  Just to put you in the picture, I am (sort of) a control-freak.  I never go into a situation without knowing the facts, the possible consequences and all possible solutions.  This was just absolutely too much for me.  With having no idea what to expect, I could not prepare and for me that was a total guarantee of failure.

Early June 2002 – The room was ready, the tiny little clothes all washed and packed away.  My mother had traveled all the way from the Free State to be with me, while my Dad had traveled all the way from Cape Town.  It was time for the long awaited little man to make his appearance.  2 Weeks later my Dad decided to return to Cape Town, not very happy with the little man deciding to stay put for a while longer.  My (then) husband suddenly had to leave to go work in a different country and I was left with no other alternative but to go back to the Free State with my mom.  NOT a happy puppy!!!  It turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise.  We were planning a home birth.  Read on to discover why that would not have worked out.

Late June 2002 – Our little man is now 3 weeks overdue.  Doctors tell me to relax, apparently it happens from time to time that they get the due date wrong.  I am in full panic mode – I am already failing!

4 July 2002 – Doctors visit shows that they would not do induce labor the next day.  Well, let me tell you, I panicked myself into labor that evening, no doctor’s needed.

5 July 2002 – at 8am my mom and I report at hospital.  I will skip all the other details of the day and just tell you that by 7pm it became clear that an Emergency C-Section was required.  No time for epidural, so I was out cold.  Turns out I could never do the natural birth thing and we would both have died without a C-Section!

6 July 2002 – I wake up dazed and confused, panic hits: WHERE IS MY CHILD!?  When they eventually tell me that he will be brought to me within a couple of minutes, I start panicking all over again.  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NEXT?

birth 8

This tiny little thing is set down in front of me on the bed and tears well up.

I KNEW he was thirsty

I KNEW he needed a change of clothes

I KNEW he needed a cuddle

When I first held my Little Luka in my arms – that was success.

Everyday he tells me that he loves me – that is success.

Seeing the little man that he is becoming – that is success.

16 thoughts on “Success!!!

  1. As a mother to two boys (6 & 3), I feel like I teeter on a fine line of failing daily. I have a horrible tendency to snap and when I do, I yell. It’s a problem I’ve been working on so every time I lose it, I feel like a failure. It’s my kids that always remind me that I’m trying and not to give up. They’ll say something sweet or reach out to give me a hug and I’m reminded that indeed, I’m succeeding, even if it’s one small step at a time.

    1. Thanks for your comment. I guess everyday, for the rest of our lives, will be a measure of “have I failed or have I succeeded?”. Our kids are such an extension of us and all we can do is lead by example.

  2. What a beautiful story! 🙂 I’m going to send this to my youngest daughter, who is a bit of a control-freak, and 6 months pregnant. Right now she is determined to have a natural birth, just like her sister, but she is already starting to doubt that she will be able to do it. I think your story will help her.

    1. That is so nice of you, much appreciated. I hope all goes well with her pregnancy and birth. It would be nice to know that my story can help someone in a similar situation.

  3. That is such a wonderful beautiful story. It’s put me in a good mood (and that’s quite a feat as I’m currently sitting at work and it’s not quite 8 am yet so I’ve got a lot of day to go)!
    So thank you.

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