I am at my wits end with Luke and seriously need some help! This is one for the parents and teachers out there. Honestly, any and all advice will be appreciated!
Luke is an extremely intelligent young man. There are however three problems:
1. He is lazy. I suppose this can be expected of any boy, especially one of 10.
2. He can’t focus. His mind is forever wondering off into some magically weird and wonderful world filled with stories.
3. He is very sensitive.
None of these are necessarily characteristics which would sound alarm bells, but put them all together, add schooling in an overcrowded classroom and Houston, we have a problem.
I’ve just received my 4th Detention notice for the term. One more and he gets expelled. His transgressions:
Forgetting to write down homework
Forgetting to do homework
Forgetting to have notices signed or just losing them altogether
Talking in class
We sat on the weekend and studied for a test for 3 full hours. He knew everything by heart. His result 13 / 40!
My options are severely limited in the sense that I can not afford private schooling. Home schooling is not an option either as I have to work, no choice there. I have tried grounding him, taking away privileges like TV shows or bike rides or going to the beach. I have tried incentives like adding x amount to his allowance for each positive result and in turn deduct x amount for each negative result. I have begged and pleaded and cried. I have yelled and threatened and cried. I have been paying for tablets (Brain Child) for the past two months, which are supposed to improve concentration and behavior. I have done everything apart from physically hitting him or playing the emotional blackmail card – I don’t believe in either one of these (is that where I am going wrong?).
Someone suggested that I have him tested for ADHD, but I have no medical aid and can’t afford it.
Guys, seriously, if you could see me now, you would understand. I am in a heap on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes out.
What do I do?
Nanuschka's Blog 
Sjoe. From the sounds of it you are dealing with a kid who possibly has ADHD or a kid who needs more stimulation than he’s getting OR a kid who’s just extremely overwhelmed and needs help with some time management. So difficult to say without all the facts.. My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 4 and after experimenting with a number of natural alternatives we started him on Ritalin when he turned 5. It cost me a lot of money at the time to do it but I’m so glad that I went ahead and had him assessed. It changed his life and as soon as we knew what we were dealing with we could make the necessary changes in our lives and in our home.
It is expensive but some professionals will allow you to have a payment plan. We went to an Educational Psychologist. You can also go to a Paediatrician.
I would start by speaking to the teacher. She will give you a better idea of what is really going on, what is expected of him etc. and she can make recommendations IF any form of assessment is needed. I must warn you though, many teachers think that they are Drs and try to “encourage” you to medicate. They are not allowed to do this or to bully you into anything, so do keep that in mind. Also, those tablets that you have been giving him can take some time to start working and need to be used in conjunction with a healthy diet and exercise. I am currently working on a blog post wrt the 13/40 issues that we are having. I work my son VERY hard and it doesn’t appear to translate onto paper either.
I know it’s hard but I have faith that you will figure it all out and support him in any way that he needs.
((hugs)).
xx
ps…are you familiar with the Love Languages? What is Luke’s love language?
Thank you so much Julia. Your reply opened up the waterworks again, so here I am with tissue in hand to say thanks, there is hope yet. I have just written a letter to his teacher to ask for an appointment. Step 1 complete. I had the Love Languages book ages ago, but lost it somewhere. Perhaps I can find something on the internet or else I will check the bookshop over the weekend. Thank you for taking the time. I don’t feel so very alone right now!
Put him in a school that does not expel a child for something as ridiculous as 4x detention. He is normal in his transgressions, but of more than average intelligence. How can you expect him to cope in an exemplary manner with teachers and boring schoolwork. If he passes by the seat of his pants for the rest of his school years, I would relax if I were you and try to make his life outside of school as interesting as possible to make up for the boredom he suffers there. Beautifully written piece, by the way – I can just see you in a heap on the bathroom floor!
Thanks Susan. The only other school, which could be an option turned us away because we don’t live in the area. We have been placed on a waiting list though. Also with that school we will need to leave home long before 7 in the morning in order to get there on time. The class he is in now has 38 kids with one teacher. Obviously he is not getting the attention he needs and my hands are tied in that regard. I have considered letting him float by as long as he passes, but am afraid of the consequences (not learning the correct habits now). Thanks for the compliment. At least I have managed to move from bathroom floor to lounge now!
Love language: Giving gifts, communicating, serving, touching (those are the four, I think). And be careful of Ritalin etc. You know your brother’s opinion is that it paves the way for drug abuse
Thanks, I will try to find something on the Love Languages. Ritalin will be an absolutely last resort.
I think the first thing would definitely have to be an assessment. You can’t address a problem if you don’t know what it is.
Shit Petunia, I really hope you find an easy solution on this one.
Thanks Petunia. Meeting with his teacher this week and will have a better idea after that.