What is jealousy?
Jealousy is something which all of us experience at some point in our life. Don’t deny it, everyone get’s jealous, even saints are tested. The biggest form of jealousy I have ever felt was when I was around 7 or 8. My parents divorced when I was only 5 and, through circumstance, my sister and I ended up living with my grandparents for a couple of years. These were fundamental years for me and I will forever be grateful for the example they set for us. There was just one thing that really got to me.
My cousins lived not to far from us and we attended the same school. To me, they were a prime example of what family should be: dad working, mom at home cooking and baking, holidays away, new clothes the moment they outgrew the old ones, etc. My sister and I received their hand-me-downs, which I was very grateful for. I hated them for this. I always felt somewhat inferior to them and it took me a long time to get over that. I love my cousins to bit and their parents have always been there for me. It was simply a matter of my own insecurities.
The example I’ve given above is, to me at least, an “acceptable” form of jealousy. Once the realization is made that you are not inferior to the other person, you can learn from it and grow past that.
What is unacceptable jealousy then? It is that green-eyed-monster that festers inside your mind and heart. It destroys you, bit by bit. It destroys all the good in you and sucks the life right out of your soul, leaving you nothing but an empty shell.
Unfortunately, jealously have been the downfall of countless relationships. People get hurt, I get that, but how you choose to make that work for you, is key to all future relationships.
I live on the principle that you can either learn from it or suffer by it for the rest of your life. If you choose to let go and move on, you can grow and become a better person. This makes you the winner. If you choose to hold on to the pain, it will forever rule you and you will suffer. That makes you a loser. Face the reality: the person who hurt you is still the winner! He / She still determine your happiness and ultimately the outcome of your life!
You may meet the person of your dreams, but if you allow the monster to live, that relationship will fail. That is a guarantee my friend.
No one can make you love them or trust them. These emotions can not be forced upon you, ever. You have to make the choice to feed the positive.
You have the choice whether you want to suffer or love!
What is trust?
When Luke asked me to explain trust to him, I found the following to be most effective:
- Trust is like an eraser, the more you abuse it, the smaller it gets; and
- Faith and fear both requires us to believe in something we can not see. Faith will uplift your spirit and leave you feeling better. Fear will drag you down and suffocate you.
If you choose to believe in fear, if you choose to feed the monster, it will consume you.
No one said letting go will be easy. That is why there are trained professionals to help you (and your partner) along the way. Having these fears are not a weakness, but choosing not to do anything about it, now that is a weakness. You are effectively choosing to live an inferior life and no one deserves that.
Use your common sense, have faith and love fully.