Faith is not a light switch. You can not turn it on or off. Either you have it or you don’t.
Since I can remember I have had my faith in God. True, I am only human and sometimes my faith is weaker than at other times, but it is always there. It is that little thing which makes you realize that somehow things will be OK.
I will share two occasions with you which I clearly remember. These occasions differ slightly: On the first one despair won the battle and I gave up on faith. In the second, I relied on my faith to get me through. Both of these set my faith in stone and I know why I believe. Save for one or two people in my family, I have never told anyone, but I feel compelled to share it today.
1992 in a small Free State town.
I had had enough. I was 15 and knew nothing other than the fact that it had to stop. At around 3 in the morning I got up, fetched the gun from the safe and loaded the bullets. The commando training, which he insisted on, finally had a purpose. Safety off. Ready to fire. I held the 9mm Parabellum to his head as he was snoring away in a drunken stupor. I pulled the trigger, nothing. I checked everything, it was all systems go. I pulled the trigger a second time. Nothing. I clearly heard a male voice telling me to stop. It gave me such a fright, I almost dropped the gun. I pulled the trigger a third time. “STOP!!!” the voice boomed in my ear. The gun turned smoldering hot in my hand. I knew it was time to stop.
1999 in Melville Johannesburg
I had just moved into the cottage; it was my first night there and the next day I was to start a new job. Somewhere during the night I woke up because I couldn’t breathe. Someone was sitting on me, choking me. I fought back and struggled to free myself, but he was too strong. There was nothing I could do. I could only make out the edges of his shadow while the long boney fingers dug deeper into my throat. I needed a rescue and shouted in my mind “God please help me!”. An instant later the room lit up and a being, an angel, appeared. He was tall enough for his head and shoulders to stick through the roof. He grabbed the being that was sitting on me by the neck and pulled him off. The creature uttered a blood curdling shriek and then they were gone. I sat up and thought to myself: that was one hectic dream. The next morning and for six days thereafter I was reminded that it was not a dream: the bruises on my neck remained where his fingers had touched me.
I have used this quote many times on my blog, but it is true:
Faith and fear both requires us to believe in something we can not see. Faith will give you a reason to go on. Fear will such the life right out of you. Which do you choose?