I was quite blown away when I received an email today from someone who has been following my blog for about 2 years. The reason for the mail was just to inform me that they will no longer be doing so. Why? “Your constant wining about being in love and hurting and then looking for answers are tiresome and depressing.” The writer continued to suggest that I should “get a life of my own and stop trying to find Mr Right and find myself instead”.
Hmmm, excuse me for being real.
So, for the rest of you, let me put the record straight.
Please, do not confuse me wanting to have someone in my life with me needing someone to be there – there is a huge difference.
I know who and what I am. I know what I am capable off. I can (and have for the past 4 years) run a household on my own. That includes everything from raising my son as a single mother, studying part time, bringing in the bacon, cooking the bacon and cleaning up after the bacon as well as the odd home maintenance as and when it is required. I am quite comfortable with being alone and spending time by myself. I am fully capable. I don’t need a man to make any of those things possible.
Unfortunately for me, I was born with what I would like to call “Adam and Eve syndrome”. I want to be someone’s other half. I want to be part of a dynamic team. I want to have someone that I can call when something good happens or someone who will listen when something bad happens or that will just be there when I get so angry that I just want to cry. I want to be able to ask someone to do something for me around the house, not because I can’t do it on my own, but simply because I can ask. I want to prepare supper and do the dishes and sort out laundry. I want to pick up dirty socks and grumble about it. I want to argue about the stupid little things like who forgot to put the milk in the fridge. I want to be part of a 2 income household where I can sit down with someone and work out a budget and look at where we can save. I want to plan holidays and go on those holidays. I want to kiss and hug and hold hands and laugh at silly jokes that no-one else will get. I want to sit on the couch in my pyjamas and watch movies with someone who doesn’t care if my hair is a mess and I’m not wearing any make-up. I want to go to bed at night and have someone snuggle up to me. I want to fall asleep with someone’s heart beating against my back and their breath in my ear. I want to wake up in the middle off the night and have someone there. I want to make someone’s coffee in the morning. I want to make love and have passionate sex. There are a million little things that I want to do, moments I want to share with someone. Just because it is something that I want, it is not a want because I need. I don’t need it. It is something that I want. God has placed in each of us a yearning for companionship when He said “It is not good for man to be alone” and “He who finds a wife finds a good thing”. I refuse to believe that He has given me this desire to have a life partner if I am not meant to have one.
So until I have that, I will continue to search. I will continue to look for the answers and I will continue to ramble about it.
If me wanting all of these little things does not appeal to you, then I am sorry to say that it is entirely a “you problem”.
This is me. This is who I am. I want to share my life with someone and that’s not about to change.