Let me start out by saying that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will be getting a lot of flak from some of my friends / readers / acquaintances about this post.
Let me further, categorically, state that I don’t care and I am definitely not looking for a lesson on the do’s and don’ts of sex outside marriage / in marriage / extra-marital, etc. I know the inn’s and out’s of what place sex should have in a relationship and I know where I stand on the subject. However, I couple of interesting ideas / questions / theories have been swirling around in my mind for a couple of days and, hey, this is after all my platform, right?
(My figures are in all likelihood not one hundred percent correct but instead it as memory serves from an article I read early in December.)
It is said that for every ten women in the Western Cape there is one man. Take away the people who are married or gay and you are left with a ratio that reads something like 4 single women for every single man. Men therefore have an open playing field where they can quite literally pick and choose who they want to be with and for how long before they get bored and move on to the next. No wonder you see so many single girls out there or so many girls with someone who is quite obviously a mismatch to her.
My question, as you could probably gather from my intro, relates to the sexual side of a relationship.
Before we get there, however, just to set the record straight, I am not a man hater, quite the opposite, just rambling from personal experience as well as a summation of various conversations I’ve had lately.
So here goes:
Men are visual creatures and their sexual needs are 90% of the time visually driven. Everyone knows this. The media knows sex sells and that is why we have Photoshop models and Botox celebs with more time and money than the average girl. That is why us girls exercise and eat right and color our hair and paint our nails and wax and trim and and and. We know that we have to present our best self in order to draw any attention to ourselves.
Women on the other hand are emotional creatures and their sexual needs are, more often than not, emotionally driven, which unfortunately sometimes lead to sex being used as a weapon by women to get their way. That, however, is subject matter for a different post altogether though.
Men want to divide and conquer, hunt and provide – it is in their nature. Women want to love and be loved in return and nurture. We are thus faced with the whole nature vs nurture scenario.
However, aren’t we all sexual creatures? Fair enough, it is more common for men to be sexually driven rather than women, but why is there then something wrong with the women who does give utterance to their sexual desires and enjoys it. Are women then in effect not supposed to enjoy sex?
Why is it “acceptable” for a man to have the one short-lived “relationship” after the next, which then proves him to be a stud. On the other hand, if a girl does this she is then classified as slutty – especially by the guys, who are often the very same guys who do this sort of thing.
Boy likes girl and is sexually attracted to her, he moves in and he is the hero if the feeling is mutual.
Girl likes boy and is emotionally attracted to him, accepts his advances and she is dumped as being “easy / slutty / wild / you name it”.
Slightly hypocritical don’t you think?
What is it in this scenario that gives a guy the right to think of a girl as being tainted or not worthy of his time and attention for being “too easy”, simply because she gave in to something they both wanted? Should he not then look at his own body and self as being tainted too, since it is something that he too wanted and he has probably been with a lot more girls than she has been with men?
Or do we again go back to the old cliche of men being hunters and women being the hunted? An easy prey is not enough of a challenge and bores them. Yet, when she plays hard to get (and that’s then ultimately also where the power struggle / playing games standard of any future relationship they might have start) he will either pursues until he wins (just to drop her like a hot potato when he has had his way) or will make her of as being something completely different (anything that will sooth his ego for that moment).
Or, is it simply a matter of guys having such a big playing field that they can have the pick of the bunch while girls should hold out sitting on the shelve getting old while waiting for Mr Right, denying their own desires rather than run the risk of being classified as easy / slutty / bla-bla-bla?
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying girls should be going around dropping their nickers at the very sight of a guy who looks her way. Definitely not, but why is it deemed wrong for her to give in to his advances and her own desires if she feels attracted to him?
Sex is something beautiful to be enjoyed by both parties. It should be fun and spontaneous. It should never be a chore or a weapon. It should never be cheap and definitely not paid for either. It is the most intimate form of communication in a relationship and something to be treasured.
How do we all get it so wrong? Who is wrong and who is right? Where is the middle line of what is acceptable and not?
Please drop me a line I’d love to hear your views on this.