The Magic of “Getting It”

There is something magical about finding someone who “gets you”.

There are certain things about me that I have never shared.  Things that form an intrinsic part of who and what I am, but things so private that I have never been able to get myself to open up about it.  I have, in a sense, denied myself being who I was meant to be.  I have never allowed myself to explore this part of me.  It’s not that I am ashamed of it.  It’s just too …. personal a journey, to just share with anyone.

Looking back, I can in all honestly say that I have never actually felt secure enough or safe enough to share this with anyone.  I have never trusted anyone enough to fully open up.  That much I am sure of now.  In a sense I suppose, the gut-feeling that I had that I could not entrust someone with this, should have been a tell-tale sign to me that it wasn’t meant to be.

Us girls have all been there, guys too I suppose (they just hide it better).  I am talking about that moment when you are sitting in front of someone wanting to share something, something so big and important that it burns you up inside.  The moment arrives, you open your mouth to let the words wash over them and then you stop dead, quickly coming up with something stupid to say just to fill the air.  The moment is gone, something made you stop.  Is it fear of how the person might react?  Is it fear of being laughed at or ridiculed?  Is it uncertainty, not knowing whether they can be trusted to keep this, your most precious secret, safe in their heart?

I’ll say it again – a hundred times over and over again – There is something absolutely magical about finding someone who “gets you”.

download

Nothing can compare to the moment when you finally step out of your comfort zone and allow those words to be spoken and they sit there and go “I get it, baby” and you can see in the way they look at you that they truly do get it.  It’s not an absent-minded, o this is boring the life out of me, “I get it”!  It is “I get it” with fire in their eyes and passion in their voice, a smile curling softly around the lips.  Time stops dead and everything but that moment ceases to exist.  Could it be?!  And then, they go on to say or DO something that corresponds exactly with what it is that you just said, and they say and do it with gusto and you can see that it matters to them and they keep doing it, proving over and over again that, yes, they truly do get it!

I sat there as a sea of emotion washed over me, drenching me in swell upon swell of feelings and thoughts.  I wanted to laugh, but couldn’t get the sound past the lump in my throat.  So, like an idiot, I sat their grinning from ear to ear with tears running down my cheeks.

It is in that moment that everything else fades and you know that you have found someone who will walk a thousand miles with you.

It is beautiful and magical and exhilarating and scary.  Yes, exploring where you want to go can be scary when you have denied it for so long, but going down that road is an easy one when you share it with someone who gets it.

images

Que Sera Sera (take 2)

que sera sera

Hello from the sunny shores of Zanzibar.  Yip, I did it!  I packed up and left for an unknown land.  My days are filled with nothing more than cocktails on the beach and snorkeling the coral reefs, my evenings are filled with music and dancing by the fire while the stars hold watch over me and my mind, at last, have reached Shangri La.  I wish you could be here to experience the serenity of it all.

Just kidding!  It’s still just me and nothing much has changed.  Well, actually, a lot has changed, a lot has happened and, you guessed it, there has been a lot of thinking.

I have been sort of at a loss for words.  I’ve tried to write a hundred times in the past month but the words just wouldn’t come out right.  It just didn’t make sense.  So here I am, late at night unable to sleep, dreaming up dreams and writing again.  On that note, if you are still here you deserve a Noddy badge after everything I’ve made you read during the past couple of months.  I know it’s been pretty ugly, but it was raw and real and “me”.  This is my space after all, not true?  Well done for sticking around and thank you, by the way.

I’ve learned a lot in the last four weeks.  It has been interesting and fun and exhilarating and painful.  I’ve made some new friends, some much closer than others, but have lost some who were not prepared to stick around to see where my journey will lead.   There has been camping and training (not enough) and one kick-ass 80’s party and laughing and crying and kissing and talking (not to mention a Mexican party coming up this weekend).  More talking than thinking and more laughing than crying.

Thinking, now there is one of the things I am forcing myself to do less of.  I think you can all agree that I think way too much.  And when I say “way too much” I mean seriously OCD way too much.  I’ve come to realize that I start thinking about a little thing and then obsess about it to the point where it stretches the fabric of my sanity to a point of elasticity as yet unknown to all of science.  I really need to stop doing that!

At the start of the year I adopted the quote Que Sera Sera as my motto for the year and promptly through that overboard the moment the Universe took my statement that “I am ready for whatever comes my way” seriously and things went serious pear-shaped.  I am refocusing on that, telling myself every day Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be.

Note to reader:  I am not disputing the fact that I might just need to be reminded of this at some point in the future, so please feel free to do so when the time seems right.

I’ve come to learn that regardless of how much effort I put in or how hard I try or what I do or say or think, regardless of all of that, I do not control either my destiny nor that of others.  I cannot, in a million years, make things work out the way I want it to.  I cannot, in a million years, make things different from what it is going to be.  It is all a matter of Que Sera Sera.  All I can do is to embrace that every day, be the best me that I can possibly be and learn, learn, learn – never stop learning.  Don’t think, just do.  Nike it!  Life, just do it!

I’ve learned that the best medicine for a serious case of the blues is exercise and, just so you know, laying off the juice helps a great deal too.

I’ve had intimate and first-hand experience of the workings of a bruised male ego – not a pretty sight.  I’ve come to understand that hell truly has no fury like a woman scorned – an even less pretty sight.

I saw the following quote and realized that I was lying to myself when I said Adios Dulce Amor.  I could never do that.  I could never not believe in the power of something so sweet.  I could never stop myself from falling with all that I am into the roller coaster of emotion that goes with.  Perhaps that is why I could never become a professional poker player.  I put all my chips on the table with the hand that is dealt me.  Is that not what it means to live life to the full?  What is the use of doing life if you are not going to go all in?  If I am going to live my life afraid of what the consequences will be, questioning and debating everything that comes my way, I might as well stop now.  Yes, there is the risk of failing or getting hurt, but there is also the risk of dying every day I get out of bed and head out to work, not true?

dont fall in love

So, for now, I will embrace Que Sera Sera with every day that I greet and enjoy what comes my way instead of obsessing about the what if’s and why’s and why not’s.  If the past couple of months have taught me anything, it is that regardless of how much I obsess, I cannot change the outcome, so I might as well enjoy it.  Don’t get me wrong, I still harbor the hope of everything that I have always dreamt of, but (and this is probably the most important think that I have learned) I cannot make it be so, it will happen when it’s supposed to in a manner which I cannot determine.  The Universe still holds a surprise or two for every one of us.

All we can do is say “Que Sera Sera” and enjoy the ride.