Fact…

fact fiction

 

Isn’t it funny how the universe works?

For the longest time I’ve been wanting to write again.  No, I’ve been needing to write.  I need to let the words spill out of me and stop cluttering up my brain like a New York subway at 8:00 on a Monday morning.  The “knowing” that I need to do it has been gnawing away at my, day after day, yet I’ve not been able to find the words.  The very words that are mulling over over and over in my head and multiplying by the second – I simply couldn’t find them, they would disappear as soon as I sat down to do this.  I’d find a song to listen to, or the latest episode of my favorite series to watch.  I’d decide it’s a good time to go for a walk or struggle with a crossword.  The words have become so much that sleep evades me at night and even my dreams are filled with thought upon thought.  I’d dream and know that I am dreaming, waking myself up in cold sweat, just to go back to the same dream when I fall asleep again.  The words are literally driving me to the edge of insanity.

Then, out of nowhere and for the first time in …. forever …. this mail appears in my inbox this morning “WordPress Daily Prompt”.  I stared at it for a couple of seconds, because it’s been so long and I could almost not believe that it was there.  My daily portion of magic to edge me in the right direction, to get me thinking and push my mind to a place I long to go.

Fact”.

One small little word to act as a prompt and that’s when I thought “now, ain’t that funny?”  You see, “Fact” or rather what is fact vs fiction, is the one thing that has been foremost on my mind for the past couple of weeks

Fact – I need to write

Fiction – I don’t write when I’m happy.  Why?  Because the universe always finds a way to fcuk it up for me when I am and I do.

You see….. fact vs fiction

In defiance of that fiction, I can say this: I am happy.  For the first time I am totally and truly and utterly and completely happy.

There are a couple more “fact vs fiction” moments I’ve had.  Moments that are far too personal to share here, for now at least.  Fact is, I’ve been toying with “what are the facts” for some time now.

overthinking

Those of you who know me, will know that I have mastered the art of over thinking.  No one on this planet could tell me more about that little concept.  Give me once sentence, I challenge you, and I can come up with at least six different scenarios, have six different conversations in my head and come to six different conclusions – all of which means nothing 99% of the time.  But then…..oooooo….. that’s when it gets interesting

Fact is, I need to get back to writing every day.  I need to rationalise and I need to just let it out.   When I don’t write things go haywire.  All the things I mean to say – the things that gets lost in translation on the short route between my brain and my lips – just grows until the fuse runs just just short of detonation and well…. yes…. not good

All day I’ve been sitting and recapping on a couple of facts, questioning and looking deep inside for answers.  I’ve found a couple of “facts” to be no more than fiction.  Fact is, it’s much easier to look at the world and the people around us than it is to look within.  Fact is, some of the things we believe to be true is nothing more than fiction created by things that happened, people we met and emotions we experienced.

I owe it to the people around me to find that balance, but even more so, I owe it to myself.  I owe it to me.  I know, for a fact, that I am not the biggest talker.  I know how to do umm and ahhh’s and ask just the right questions to get people to keep talking.  While knowing that, however, I also know that there is so much I want to say.  Some of it might be nonsense.  Some of it might be a truth that someone somewhere needs to hear.  Fact is, this is my platform.  This is where the words find life and the thoughts grow fairy wings that fly off and disappear.  This is my podium.

Fact is, I like it here

Fact is, I’m back

Thanks for sticking around 🙂

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Author: nanuschka

I am a free spirit born in the Free State, 20 years to late. I am Ying and Yang. I am the girl next door who prefers daisies and peace rallies, but can just as easily rock at a rally. I love all things Latin and am sure that in my previous life (if that existed) I was Spanish. The dark side of me, however, tells me that I lived in Mother Russia. On a quest to find my happy-ever-after, I am in constant search of answers to all things that makes us human. What we do and, more importantly, why we do it. I hope you enjoy my rambles and would love to hear from you!

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