How to be your own life coach

Sometimes, I can do nothing more than stand in awe at how the Universe conspire to make things happen when you are on the right track!

As mentioned in my previous post, at the beginning of January I signed up for a webinar by Henley Business School presented by Pepe Marais, co-founder of Joe Public United and author of Growing Greatness and 20 Habits that break habits (both of which have since been added to my Kindle wishlist). Now, I didn’t sign up for this webinar because of his fantastic entrepreneurial mind. I signed up purely because my love and his family have spoken of Pepe so fondly and so often, I thought it would be a good time to “get to know” the man.

If you’ve been following my journey, you’ll know that life coaching have become a prominent and integral part of my future vision and, more importantly, purpose. Imagine my delight when the webinar started and I noticed the title “How to be your own life coach”!

The hour flew by and I watched with my heart swollen to capacity and emotion roaring through me. The man was speaking directly to me and I just knew I had to share his vision. Immediately after the webinar I emailed him, requesting his permission to share his insights. In all honesty, I didn’t expect to get a response and I was completely blown away when my phone tinged with a gmail notification that he had replied. His humble response:

By all means, use and share anything and everything from my presentation, which comes from my heart, hence directly from the greater source. So how can I ever claim ownership.

The words in bold below are his and I can not claim ownership for these. The rest are just my insights. I hope that after reading this, you will be as inspired, motivated and moved as I have been (and still am)

We all have a responsibility.What is responsibility?

It is our ability to respond to whatever happens around us

We all heard this quote, but I’ve never quite thought about it this way. 

Our reactions and actions are all based on past experiences, prejudices, preconceived ideas.  We’ve heard the quote and we understand the words, yet we still allow road rage to kick in when a taxi cuts you off.  We still get offended when someone makes a joke that cuts too close to the core of your being, because you’ve not dealt that specific issue.  We allow 1 undignified response to ruin our entire day, when we should just take it as coming from someone who is dealing with their own demons.  For us to be happy and at peace, we need to take up the responsibility – the ability to respond – not from our emotional baggage, but from a place of knowing that everyone is climbing their own mountain.

For as long as I seek to point fingers at others, making excuses blaming my horrible boss, politics, the government, the way I grew up, etc, I defer my responsibility, hence my true potential
By taking responsibility, we unleash our true potential

Having an alcoholic father should be the role model of what you don’t want. 
It can never be an excuse for becoming that way yourself.  If we allow an abusive relationship or less than desirable upbringing or failed relationships or marriage to become an excuse for our failures, we are not taking responsibility.  Instead we allow that relationship / thing to haunt us and rule our lives.  Many, many years ago I caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window.  I was startled at first, not recognizing the person staring back at me.  As I looked at this reflection, I realised that I was still allowing a monster to control my life.  I was still giving him the ability to control who and what I am and if I continue, I will be giving him the ability to destroy my life until the day I die.  That was the first of many moments of healing that have all brought me to where I am today.  The key?  I chose to take responsibility.  I chose to use the ability that I possess to respond.  You owe it to yourself to not allow that thing to become the gauge that you use to measure your world, your life and your purpose.  Instead, let that situation become the beacon against which you measure future relationships: work, marriage, as a parent.  When you know and focus on what you don’t want, you will never project that thing on those around you.  Words are like bullets and the words we use with our children become their inner voice.

My love and I have said a thousand times:  we met at a time when we both knew exactly what we didn’t want and that has been one of the vital ingredients that keep our relationship rock-solid.  Had I gone out looking, again, my “perfect tick-every-item-on-my-list kind of man”, I would inevitably have ended in the same dead-end relationship time after time.  Instead, once I realized what I don’t want and started focussing on that, the Universe sent him my way

The worst thing that can happen is also the best thing that can happen.  Instead of pushing the rock up the kill, push the boundaries of your life

This is a difficult one.  I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason.  It is, however, an easy statement when things are going well.  When you sitting on the bathroom floor at 3 in the morning sobbing out your heart, or rushing to the emergency room after being assaulted, just be retrenched or overlooked for a promotion….. then believing that it happened for a reason is a bitter pill to swallow.  As much as we won’t or can’t admit it at the time, there is a silver lining.  Once the pain disappears, and it always does, we again have a responsibility – to learn and grow or to go back and make the same mistakes again.  Someone asked the other day:

“If you could go back and live your life over, would have you it any different?”  It took me a while to respond, but when I did, I knew without a doubt that I would have made the same decisions again.  You see, all those things have made me who I am today.  Yes, my purposes were birthed with me, but my experiences are what give me the ability to live that purposes.  Those experiences have all brought me to his point, where I have an undeniable knowing of what I am supposed to be doing and, yes, those experiences have given me the skills to empathise, to guide, to show that you can get over it.  You are a survivor, not a victim.  Responsibility – our ability to respond to what happens around us.  Our ability to choose to learn and adapt, to grow nearer to our true self.  Our ability to shed limiting beliefs.  Our ability to rid ourselves of insecurities and misguided perceptions of who and what we are.

There are three steps to responsibility

Purpose, Habits, Fun


Grow beyond the fake me conditioned by experience into the real “me” who you were born to be.  Go deep within yourself and find out why you exist. 

This is a difficult journey, one that has taken me far too long, but I am grateful beyond words that I have reached this point.  I think that, without knowing, we are all on a search for our purpose, we just don’t recognize it as such.  So instead, we search for love, for money, for a promotion, for a life that match the Jones’.  We waste time doing meaningless things that could never sate your spirit’s need to do what you were meant to do.  With every “failure” we become more frustrated, angrier, and more obsessed with chasing that “thing”, but we never stop to listen to ourselves and figure out that the thing we are searching for is already inside of us.  Nothing we do that does not align with our purpose can every satisfy us.  I believe that to be reason why we have alcoholics, narcotic additions, eating disorders, technology addiction, the list goes on and on.  Bold statement, but I believe that until we find our purpose, we will never be satisfied with what we achieve, where we go, what we own or who we have in our lives.   

Don’t aspire to change to be better. Aspire to be who you were born to be.  Purpose will change your life exponentially

We are not just humans, that is only 50 percent of our existence

Human – 50%

Being – Image of God  – 50%

The image of God inside of you is your purpose, your reason for being

Where you are planted is where you need to live your purpose

Purpose equals confidence and peace

Think of the following brands.  What word comes to mind?

Woolworths is quality
Volvo is safety
Toyota is reliability
Nike is inspiration

Your mission and vision must align with your purpose

Brands have a North star. What is yours?
Find your “word” and be your “word”

Mine is Empowerment: to empower women to become their true self, free of limiting beliefs, pain, fear and doubt

I’ve spent the longest time in denial about this purpose.  How can this be my purpose?  It is just way too big for me!  I cannot begin to explain to peace I have within me since I have accepted this.  Your purpose is part of who you were created to be.  God will not give you a purpose that is bigger than you.  He might give you one that forces you to grow and heal, but He will never give you something that you cannot do

All words are equal. Someone else’s word is not more important than yours because yours is your purpose!

DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED.  Yes, you will have the nay-sayers telling you it can’t be done.  Friends and family might look at you as if you’ve lost your marbles.  They may mock and laugh and tell you it’s a waste of time.  Don’t be discouraged.  Your purpose is yours.  It does not belong to someone else and their opinions on the matter is exactly that: theirs.  You will KNOW when you’ve discovered your purpose.  It will be more real than anything you’ve ever experienced.

Vision in the absence of purpose is self- serving

Just being passionate about something may not always be enough.  You may start a company with the mission and vision of Richard Branson.  When that vision and mission is not in line with your purpose, you will burnout and become frustrated.  You may fail and start again.  You may make millions.  If, however, it is not in line with your purpose, your spirit will always be yearning for that one thing that will feed it.  A purpose driven life.  Plan for the first quarter century not the first quarter.  Don’t limit yourself in the pursuit of your purpose.  The rewards will be hundredfold more than you could ever imagine.

Trust – your inner voice

Acceptance – of the purpose

Excellence – in your completion of every task linked to that purpose

Responsibility – your ability to respond as you grow, heal and extend your purpose drive life into the world

Growth – don’t stagnate and stay where you are.  There is so much more out there for you


Habits can only ever be one of two things:
Habits that don’t align with your purpose are limiting.  Habits that align with your purpose are liberating

Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations
Replace sitting out with stepping in
Replace being a pedestrian with being an Olympian

Consciousness is key


Have fun!! It puts anxiety to bed.  Real fun lives on the edge of fear

The world being upside down is designed to make you step into your purpose
I’ve mentioned before that I believe 2020, Covid and everything that came with it was God’s way of forcing us to slow down and re-evaluate: who we are, where we are, what is important, who are the people and the what are the things on your life.  Is it moving you towards your purpose or distracting you from you are destined to be?

If not for covid, I would probably still have been in corporate, working 9-5 being frustrated and bored and depressed and angry.  Stepping out of that gave me the opportunity to take a step back and rediscovery. 

God created the world and I am. Created in the image of God, then what is my creative power
Equally, if God gave you a purpose and He knows you need to earn a living, He will show you the way to do it both.  Make an impact while making an income. 

Purpose in your life, then your family, then your neighbourhood, then your world

Find your purpose, find your word.  Build on it, learn a new skill, take a course, expand.  With baby steps, before you know you will be prospering and taking your world by storm.

If you know what your purpose is, I hope you have the courage to pursue it

If you don’t know what your purpose is, good luck on the journey, but never stop. You will find it and your life will be transformed!


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