Fly on multiple walls

If you could be a “fly on the wall” anywhere and at any time in history, where and when would you choose?

Well there is the day I was born, for one. Further than that? OK, how about the Great Depression? I’m pretty sure I can learn a couple of money saving housekeeping tips from those ladies. You want me to go back even further? How about the day Jan van Riebeeck first set foot in Cape Town and the first Dinner and Dance they held at the castle? What a day that must have been!

Point is, there are so many moments in history that I would love to see happen right there in front of me, but right now I have something else in mind.

Since I was a little girl I have been fascinated by royalty. Not because I would want that lifestyle, no thank you. It all started with Lady Di – her shy smile, compassion for humanity and gentle defiance of the rules and regulations. I’ve always wondered about them, the royalty that is. They are after all only human. They get runny noses and ingrown toenails, they have to shave and use the toilet. I guess if you are born into it like Princes Harry and William, you get used to it, but I still pity them. I mean really, they will never know what it is like to have a “normal” life.

What do they get up to? Do they ever “let their hair down” behind closed doors or are they truly that prim and proper from morning to night? What does the Queen do when she’s “home alone”, apart from the servants and butlers and cleaners and chamber maids and so on. How do they talk to each other? I can’t quite see Prince Phillip go “Top of the morning to ya, man did I have gas last night!” What do they have for family dinners and what do they discuss? Do they ever get take-outs? Do they ever talk about normal stuff like ingrown toe nails? Are the children ever allowed to play in the mud and do they become naughty too? How do they argue or make love – do they have protocol for that too? Do they ever go to the kitchen on a whim to make a cup of hot chocolate and then sit down in front of the fireplace in PJ’s to read a book?

I certainly don’t envy them. Sure it would be nice to never have to do the dishes or laundry again. It would definitely be nice to have someone do the shopping for you and to have a hairdresser and manicurist and personal shopper and massage therapist at your disposal. Would I want to trade my freedom as such for all the benefits? No thanks! I would much rather have my personal freedom and the ability to make my own decisions intact as opposed to having all the luxury that goes with the title. I can choose the spend a Saturday in my PJ’s, eating pizza and watching movies with Luke and Jacques and that is exactly how I like it!

Right now, and for the next month or so, I would simply love to be a fly on the wall in London. I’d love see whether the Duchess of Cambridge also suffer from pre-natal anxiety about her mothering abilities. I’d love to see whether the Duke of Cambridge will go green around the mouth and pass out when the baby is born. I’d love the see that millisecond of a moment when they are reduced to pure human emotion when they first hold their baby in their arms. I’d love the see whether the Queen will pace the halls of Buckingham Palace while anxiously (does she even get anxious?) waiting for the news that the baby was delivered and have all 10 fingers and toes. I’d love to see the Pyjama Drill! Will the Duke and Duchess get up to change nappies and feed baby, or will someone do it for them? That is an integral part of the bonding process, how will they handle that? I think Kate, like Diana, will be gently defiant of the protocol and raise the baby with a sense of “normality”, but I think it will still be a difficult task.

It should be fun to be on the inside of that circle for a while. Perhaps I should check for vacancies? Or better, I could offer to be ghost-writer for the royal baby – capturing every moment in print! Hey, I’ll even change nappies in exchange! Just saying…